If Relaxing Got You Pregnant, You’d Be on a Beach Right Now

Look, I get it. When you're struggling with infertility, everyone and their grandma suddenly becomes a fertility expert. And their best advice? "Just relax!" As if taking a deep breath and picturing a field of wildflowers is the magical missing piece to making a baby.

It’s not just frustrating—it’s infuriating. Because what they don’t understand is that if "relaxing" were that easy, you'd be sipping a cocktail somewhere tropical instead of tracking ovulation like it’s your full-time job. The reality? Infertility is a rollercoaster of emotions, and being told to "just relax" minimizes the very real mental, emotional, and physical toll it takes on you.

Why "Just Relax" Doesn’t Work (And Actually Makes Things Worse)

🌀 It invalidates your struggle. Infertility is complex. It’s not about being too stressed; it’s about biology, timing, and sometimes just really unfair luck. When people say "just relax," it can feel like they’re dismissing how much you’ve been through.

🔥 It puts blame on you. This advice subtly implies that if you were just chill enough, you’d get pregnant. That’s like telling someone with a broken leg to “just walk it off.” No amount of meditative deep breaths can undo a medical condition.

🤯 It can make stress worse. Ever tried to force yourself to relax? It’s like trying to fall asleep when you know you have to be up early. The more pressure you put on yourself, the more impossible it feels.

A Different Approach: Therapy That Actually Helps

Instead of fighting against your feelings, therapy—especially approaches like Client-Centered Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)—creates space for all the messy, complicated emotions that come with infertility.

🫂 Client-Centered Therapy: This approach is all about you. It’s a judgment-free zone where you can express exactly how you feel, whether that’s anger, sadness, jealousy, or exhaustion. You don’t have to put on a brave face or pretend you’re okay when you’re not.

🌿 ACT Therapy (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy): Instead of trying to "fix" your emotions, ACT helps you accept them without letting them control you. It’s about making room for grief and disappointment while still focusing on what matters most—your relationships, your well-being, and your sense of self beyond the infertility journey.

What You Can Do Instead of "Just Relaxing"

If one more person tells you to relax, I give you full permission to roll your eyes. But here are a few things that might actually help:

💨 Grounding techniques – When anxiety starts creeping in, use grounding exercises like the 5-4-3-2-1 method (naming things you can see, hear, feel, smell, and taste) to bring yourself back to the present.

📖 Self-compassion journaling – Instead of bottling up emotions, try writing yourself a letter from the perspective of a kind and supportive friend. What would they tell you?

🚶‍♀️ Move your body in ways that feel good – Not as a fertility "fix" but because movement helps release stress. Whether it’s a walk, yoga, or dancing in your living room, find something that brings you joy.

🛑 Set boundaries – It’s okay to tell people that certain conversations are off-limits. A simple “I appreciate your concern, but I’d rather not talk about it right now” is a full sentence.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Infertility can be isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Therapy offers a space to process the emotions that come with this journey—not by forcing relaxation, but by helping you navigate the storm with more self-compassion and clarity.

So the next time someone tells you to "just relax," feel free to smile, nod, and then do whatever actually helps you instead.