Infertility is a Full-Time Job – Exploring the Mental Load, Scheduling, Appointments, Tracking, and Constant Planning that Feel Like an Unpaid, Exhausting Career
Infertility is a Full-Time Job
If you’ve ever gone through infertility, you know: it’s not just a medical issue. It’s a career you never applied for but somehow got hired into—except there’s no paycheck, no PTO, and definitely no HR department to lodge complaints with.
The job description? Endless scheduling, data tracking, injecting yourself with things you can barely pronounce, and managing emotions that swing harder than a toddler who skipped nap time. Add in the unsolicited advice from family, friends, and strangers in the checkout line, and you’ve got yourself the most exhausting side hustle of all time.
Let’s break down what this “unpaid career” looks like:
1. Scheduling and Appointments
Imagine running a small business—but instead of clients, you’ve got blood draws, ultrasounds, and consultations. Your calendar looks like an obstacle course of medical appointments, often scheduled at times that directly clash with work, childcare, or your own sanity.
And let’s be honest—no one else in your office is showing up 5 days in a row for a “quick check.” Infertility requires the kind of micromanaging of time that rivals any CEO… only instead of corner offices, you’re rewarded with waiting rooms filled with outdated magazines.
2. Tracking and Monitoring
Basal body temperatures. Ovulation kits. Cervical mucus checks (if you know, you know). Med reminders. Diet tweaks. Supplements. You practically need an Excel spreadsheet, three apps, and a project manager just to keep it all straight.
It feels like you’re studying for a test that never ends—except the grade is your entire future. And heaven forbid you “miss” a tracking detail, because suddenly the guilt monster creeps in, whispering that you didn’t “work hard enough” this cycle.
3. Planning and Emotional Labor
This job isn’t just logistical—it’s emotional. You’re not only coordinating the when, where, and how, but also carrying the weight of hope, fear, disappointment, and grief.
It’s like juggling while someone keeps throwing heavier balls at you: financial strain, marital tension, family expectations, social triggers (hello, baby showers), and your own internal dialogue of “what’s wrong with me?”
And of course, there’s always that one person who chirps: “Just relax! It’ll happen when you least expect it.”
(Spoiler alert: no one tells a CEO to stop micromanaging their business and “just relax” into profitability.)
4. The Unpaid Overtime
Infertility doesn’t end when the clinic doors close. It follows you into your evenings, your weekends, your sleep. It interrupts intimacy with your partner, turns date nights into “timed intercourse,” and makes vacations feel like “what if this is the cycle?”
It’s constant overtime work for a job you didn’t want—but also desperately do. That’s the paradox that makes it so heavy.
So Where Does Therapy Come In?
Therapy can’t erase the demands of infertility, but it can help lighten the mental and emotional load:
✨ Unpacking the mental load: Learning how to delegate, set boundaries, and stop feeling like every detail rests on your shoulders.
✨ Processing grief and disappointment: Creating space for the emotions that come with negative tests, failed cycles, or losses.
✨ Couples support: Helping partners get on the same page so the “job” doesn’t turn into resentment and finger-pointing.
✨ Mind-body balance: Incorporating tools from mindfulness, somatic therapy, and stress reduction so your nervous system doesn’t burn out before your next appointment.
Here’s the Truth…
Infertility is a full-time job—but you don’t have to do it alone. You deserve support, guidance, and compassion as you navigate this unpaid, exhausting “career.”
Therapy offers a space to put down the clipboard, step away from the spreadsheets, and be more than just a patient or planner.
Because while infertility may feel like a relentless job, you are so much more than your fertility journey.
