The Advice You Don’t Need: How Therapy Helps You Navigate “Have You Tried ____?”

Infertility often feels like a journey through an endless fog—where the world seems to keep moving forward, while you’re stuck in a place of uncertainty, longing, and quiet grief. And just when you think you might be finding your footing, someone asks that all-too-familiar question:
“Have you tried cutting out sugar?”
“Have you tried acupuncture?”
“Have you tried just relaxing?”
“Have you tried switching doctors?”
“Have you tried taking a break?”

At first, these suggestions might seem innocent, maybe even helpful. But as they keep coming, they start to feel like a weight on your chest. It’s as if your entire experience is being reduced to a list of fixes that anyone—well-meaning or not—thinks will solve the complexity of your journey. The truth is, infertility is not a problem to be solved by trying this or trying that. It’s a deeply emotional, often heartbreaking path that no one truly understands until they walk it themselves.

The Quiet Hurt of Unsolicited Advice

Each time someone asks, “Have you tried ____?” it feels like another layer of your experience is being erased. The sleepless nights, the medical appointments, the emotional rollercoasters, the heartache—none of that is reflected in their question. They often don’t see that it’s not just about the medical aspect; it’s about the long stretches of waiting, the failed attempts, the hope that can feel so fragile, and the emotional toll it takes on your relationship, your body, and your sense of self.

The message behind these questions often feels like this: “If you just did this one thing, everything would be better.” This can make you feel like there’s something you’re missing, as if you’re somehow to blame for not figuring it out. But the reality is that infertility is a deeply complex issue, woven with threads of grief, uncertainty, and hope—and no amount of advice can change that.

What You Really Need: To Be Seen, Not Fixed

Instead of offering advice, what you really need is acknowledgment. You need space to express your grief, your frustration, your anger, and your hope without being told how to feel. You don’t need someone to give you the “quick fix” to your pain, because what you’re experiencing is far too intricate to be solved with a simple suggestion.

What you deserve is a place where you can simply be. A space where your emotions are not only heard but understood. A place that doesn’t rush you through your pain or try to solve it, but instead validates your experience as worthy and real. That’s where therapy comes in.

In Therapy, You Don’t Have to Defend Your Pain

Therapy creates a space for you to navigate the emotional complexities of infertility. It’s a space where you don’t have to explain why something hurts. You don’t have to justify the grief or frustration that’s overwhelming you. A good therapist will sit with you in those tough moments, without rushing you, without offering answers, and without minimizing your feelings.

In therapy, you’ll learn to recognize and honor the weight of your emotions, without feeling like you have to push them down or “fix” them. You’ll be given the tools to process your pain on your terms. You’ll be shown how to work with your emotions, instead of feeling like you have to fight them.

Here’s how therapy helps you navigate the advice that can feel like an intrusion:

🧠 Finding Clarity in the Chaos: One of the most difficult parts of dealing with infertility is the noise. The endless suggestions, the questions, the “helpful” advice. Therapy helps you separate the noise from the signal. It provides you with tools to recognize what’s genuinely helpful to you and what isn’t, allowing you to filter out comments that don’t serve you. You’ll learn how to create space between yourself and the advice, allowing you to focus on what matters most to you: your emotional well-being.

💬 Building the Confidence to Set Boundaries: Sometimes the hardest part of dealing with unsolicited advice is learning how to protect yourself from it. Therapy helps you find your voice. You’ll learn how to set boundaries with loved ones and strangers alike, giving you the confidence to say, “I appreciate your concern, but I don’t need advice right now.” You don’t have to feel guilty for not accepting advice or solutions—it’s your journey, and you get to decide what’s helpful to you.

💛 Embracing Your Emotions: Therapy teaches you to honor your feelings, whether they’re joy, sadness, anger, or numbness. You don’t have to force yourself to “move on” from grief or frustration. Therapy allows you to sit with your emotions, acknowledge them, and process them without judgment. In this space, you are allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling without the pressure to “get over it.” You learn that your emotional experience is valid, and that it doesn’t need to be fixed.

What Friends and Family Can Do Instead of “Have You Tried ____?”

It’s easy to slip into offering advice when we feel helpless watching someone we love struggle. But what people going through infertility truly need isn’t another suggestion; it’s genuine support and understanding.

So, what can friends and family do instead of offering advice? Here are a few ways they can show up for you in a meaningful way:

❤️ Simply Listen: Sometimes, the most powerful thing a loved one can do is to simply listen. They don’t need to have all the answers, and they don’t need to try to make you feel better. They can just create a space for you to speak freely about your emotions, your struggles, and your hopes. This act of listening, without judgment or correction, is one of the most supportive things anyone can do.

🤝 Offer Practical Help: Infertility can be exhausting, both physically and emotionally. Offering practical support, like running errands, helping with housework, or bringing over a meal, can lighten the load and offer some relief. When you’re carrying the weight of your journey, these small acts of kindness can make a world of difference.

👂 Create Safe Space for Emotions: Let your loved ones know that it’s okay for you to feel the full spectrum of emotions. It’s not about always being “strong” or “positive” – it’s about allowing yourself to feel. Friends and family can support you by creating a safe space for these emotions, saying things like, “I know this is hard, and I’m here for you no matter what.” It’s about showing up for you, not to fix the problem, but to simply be with you through it.

💛 Honor the Grief: Infertility is often marked by loss, whether it’s the loss of a dream, a sense of control, or the hope of starting a family in a certain way. Friends and family can help by acknowledging this grief, giving you space to process it fully. They don’t need to “cheer you up” or “move you past it” – they just need to sit with you in the heaviness and say, “I see your pain. I’m here.”

The Bottom Line

What you need is not a checklist of solutions, but a reminder that you are seen. You are not invisible, and your pain is valid. Therapy can help you find the tools to navigate unsolicited advice, process your emotions, and set the boundaries that will protect your emotional space.

And for those who love you, the best thing they can do is simply be there—without trying to fix, advise, or change your journey. Sometimes, all we need is to be fully seen and supported, without anyone offering a solution. The most meaningful thing someone can say to you is, “I’m here with you, in this moment, and I see you.”