The Mistake I Made in My Infertility Journey: Not Asking the Right Questions
Infertility is an incredibly personal journey, one that many of us find ourselves on unexpectedly, and for some, it’s a path filled with pain, confusion, and uncertainty. When my husband and I first started our fertility journey, we had no idea what we were walking into. The first doctor we met with was confident, reassuring, and incredibly knowledgeable. And so, like most people, I trusted them. After all, they were the expert, right?
At that time, I thought my job was to simply follow their instructions, nod in agreement, and get on with it. I figured they knew best because they had the experience, the credentials, the success stories. What I didn’t realize was how much of my own voice I was leaving behind. How much of my own intuition, my own gut feeling, was being sidelined in the process. And how often I would later reflect on moments when I wished I had spoken up more, asked more, and taken more control of the decisions being made about my body.
The “Expert” Trap
It’s easy to fall into the trap of trusting the doctor, especially when you feel vulnerable and out of your depth. You trust that they know what’s best for you and your body. But what I learned over time is that doctors are experts, but they’re not the expert of your life.
Fertility specialists have undoubtedly helped countless families, and they bring incredible knowledge and skill to the table. But here’s something I’ve come to understand: sometimes, fertility doctors get into a groove. They see the same problems, day in and day out, and treat them with the same approaches. And while those approaches are often based on solid medical research, they may not always be the perfect fit for you as an individual. Doctors are human, and while their expertise is invaluable, they can sometimes overlook the nuances that make each person’s situation unique.
The truth is, you are the expert in your own life. You know your body better than anyone else, and it’s critical that you feel empowered to take ownership of your fertility journey.
The Moment I Realized I Had to Take Charge
I’ll never forget the first time a doctor asked me, “Do you have any questions?” I remember sitting there, blankly staring at the ceiling, my mind racing with a million different things I wanted to ask, but I couldn’t quite find the words. Instead of speaking up, I shrugged it off and meekly said, “No, I think we’re good.”
I thought I should trust the process. After all, this was a highly regarded specialist, and they had probably heard all the questions I had before. But deep down, I knew something wasn’t right. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of information being thrown at me. It was all happening so fast, and this was life-altering information! But I told myself that the doctor wasn’t my therapist, that they were the expert, and I shouldn’t be “stupid” for asking too many questions. I told myself that if I just listened and trusted their experience, everything would work out.
But, by the time we were on our fifth round of IVF, I started to realize that I needed to get out of my own head and seek out more opinions. I realized that there’s no such thing as asking too many questions when it comes to your body, your health, and your future.
Seeking Multiple Expert Opinions
In the end, I consulted multiple doctors, and I found that fertility specialists, like all professionals, have their own niches, philosophies, and areas of expertise. One doctor was very focused on immune protocols, prescribing high doses of prednisone to prevent my body from rejecting embryos. Another doctor placed a heavy emphasis on nutritional deficiencies and the importance of getting my body into "optimal health" through diet and supplements. A third doctor was more traditional, often responding to my questions with, “The research on that is contentious,” or “There isn’t enough evidence to support that.”
By speaking with these different experts, I began to realize that each of them brought something valuable to the table. But it wasn’t until I consulted with all of them, weighing the various approaches, that I was able to make an informed decision that felt right for me and my body.
Don’t Let Fear Stop You from Asking the Questions
Here’s the thing: it’s okay to question everything. You’re not being a burden. You’re not being difficult. You’re not being “that patient.” It’s your body, your journey, and ultimately, your life. And your fertility is something that deserves to be handled with care, understanding, and, above all, your own empowerment. Don’t let fear of judgment or shame prevent you from asking questions—no matter how “silly” they might seem.
When you’re going through IVF, infertility treatments, or any kind of medical process, it can feel like everyone else knows what’s best for you. Your doctor, the nurses, the well-meaning friends and family. And they do have their expertise, but you, too, have a voice. A voice that deserves to be heard.
Empower Yourself to Make Informed Decisions
As someone who’s had a lot of personal experience with infertility treatments, as well as knowledge from my studies in infertility, mental health, and education, I can’t stress this enough: ask the questions. Don’t be afraid to dig into the details of your treatment plan. Don’t be afraid to ask your doctor to explain things over and over until you’re comfortable with the information. If you see something on social media or in a blog post, ask your doctor for their professional opinion. You’re paying for their expertise, so make sure you’re using it to its fullest potential.
And if the answer you get doesn’t sit right with you, seek out a second (or third) opinion. Doctors may be experts, but only you can be the expert on your own journey.
Trusting Yourself: The Key to Making Empowered Decisions
I wish I had trusted myself more in the beginning. I wish I had listened to my instincts instead of convincing myself that I was just “being dramatic” or “asking too many questions.” But as I began to ask more, seek more opinions, and trust my gut, I felt more in control of my journey. I wasn’t just reacting to the advice I was given—I was making informed, empowered decisions that felt right for my body and my future.
At the end of the day, your fertility journey is yours to navigate. And no one—doctor, nurse, family member, or friend—knows your body the way you do. Ask the questions, challenge the plans that don’t feel right, and take charge of your fertility. It’s your body, your investment, your family, and your “maybe baby.”
Conclusion: Own Your Fertility Journey
Infertility is challenging in so many ways. It’s filled with uncertainty, emotional highs and lows, and a whole lot of unknowns. But one thing I’ve learned through my experience is that you have the right to own your fertility journey. You have the right to ask questions, challenge plans, and demand answers that help you make informed decisions. This is your future, and you deserve to have the full picture before making any decisions.
Remember, you’re not bothering anyone by asking questions. You’re taking ownership of your body, your health, and your future. So, ask away—and never let anyone make you feel like your questions are anything less than valid.
